A popular pastor that I follow quotes that sex can be considered three things: “gross, god, or a gift.” I believe this to be very true in our day, due to how sex outside of marriage is overrated — and underrated within the context of marriage. It is “gross” to those that have been taught their entire life that sex is bad and will cause people to look at you differently. For some, it can be made a god if its not taught biblically from God’s original intent.
No matter your take, it is God made sex to be a gift. It’s something to be shared with your spouse within the confines of marriage. My wife and I, by the grace of God, were both virgins at the moment of saying, “I do.” to one another on our wedding day, and can testify that God’s intention for sex is truly the best way.
Need further convincing? Here are four benefits of waiting until marriage to have sex.
1. Sex within marriage keeps God at the center of your relationship.
Honoring God in our relationship was our ultimate goal, and saying “no” to sex made that goal easily accomplishable. God is the inventor of marriage, which means you need Him in your marriage in order to have a healthy one. The stages before you say “I do” are the most crucial for laying a solid foundation for your marriage. Establishing a no-sex boundary will keep you focused on the important aspects of a courting relationship. Yes, the desire to have sex will come (God designed you that way!), but with Him, you will be able to have the strength to resist temptation. Trusting God in your relationship will help you to make a confident decision when you feel that person may be the one you desire to marry.
2. You learn how to “talk it out” before you “walk it out.”
Communication has always been — and will always be — one of the key components of a healthy relationship. My now-wife and I had a long distance relationship during our courting phase, so a majority of our time spent before marriage was over Skype or on the phone. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done, but it was so worth it. We really learned each other on so many levels, and when we did see one another, the boundaries we had set in place kept us focused on enjoying one another communicatively versus physically. Early sexual satisfaction in a relationship delays you from discovering key areas of the relationship, such as the ability to commit, compatibility, and agreement regarding future goals.
3. Waiting for marriage protects you from getting attached before you say “I do.”
There are only a few things that can attach you to someone for the rest of your life; one of them is a child, and another is sex. Children are a blessing from the Lord, but can also be a challenge to raise in hard circumstances. Protect yourself from this by agreeing to wait until marriage to have sex. Another attachment that can form through sexual activity is a soul tie. Sex was created by God to tie a sexually intimate couple together forever — and the same thing happens in “marriage” or not. But, outside of marriage, it’s an illegitimate tie versus a covenantal tie. If the relationship doesn’t work out, then breaking it off will be much easier if there hasn’t been a spiritual soul tie made manifest through the act of sex.
4. Sex within marriage is incomparable.
If you abstain from having sex during your courting stage, the value you place upon one another will last your entire life. This value adds volumes to your sex life in marriage. Study shows that those that wait to have sex are happier in the long run. I do not look at my wife like a piece of meat, but a treasure worth being handled with tender care. I proved that to her by denying my flesh, and leading the stand for our purity. Our wedding night was the most beautiful encounter as we exchanged our gifts to another. Our marriage was established on a sure foundation with God in the center of it all. Married people have the best sex!
Now, here’s the good news: Even if you have already had sex in a previous relationship, it doesn’t disqualify you from making the decision to abstain until you are married. If you are in a sexually active relationship now, but desire to change things, then pray for God to give you wisdom as you approach your partner. I guarantee you, it will be worth it.
Jamal Miller is the Co-Founder of Married and Young alongside his wife Natasha Miller. He has been involved in ministry for over 8 years, graduating from Christ for the Nations Institute with his Practical Theology Degree and Ecclesia College with his Bachelors in Christian Leadership. Jamal's creative ability to present the complex things of God in a way everyone from a child to a senior citizen enjoys and understands has made way for him to travel and speak to churches around the US. His passion for marriage and healthy relationships stem from his personal love story that God Himself wrote. Jamal and Natasha reside in Chicago, IL.