Do you remember your dreams of marriage as a child?
Children can be naïve and simple-minded, but there is something beautiful about a childlike wonder as we dream into and pray for marriage. As we grow, though, we must consider the weight of marriage as we vow to walk through the best and the worst that life brings our way with another person.
Now, you have met the love of your life — the one you believe God ordained for you before the foundation of the earth was formed. This season of marriage that you’re entering into is very serious and you should seek as much guidance and help as possible. There are many, many variables to think about when deciding to get married.
Here are four thoughts to consider as you navigate this upcoming season of life.
- Don’t expect your spouse to “complete you. ”
It’s unfortunate, but true, that many people look to their significant other to complete them. Many of us have entered relationships because we didn’t receive the love we were longing for from our parents or guardians, or we didn’t love ourselves, or we didn’t understand the magnitude of God’s love for us.
Sometimes, we allow our feelings of loneliness to lead us into relationships, erroneously believing that our future spouse will fill that gap in our hearts. Although loneliness may arise in a season of singleness, looking to fill that void with marriage will only lead to resentment. (Remember … loneliness is not limited to your singleness; it can creep in even after your “I dos.” Only God can fill the gap in our hearts.) He has already proven that He alone is the missing piece in our lives. Only He has the power to make us complete. Thus, looking toward your spouse for completion will only leave you hanging.
- Remember that you are an individual.
This is a very critical reminder because many spouses may struggle with understanding why their partner doesn’t want to join them on certain activities. As an individual, you should continuously work on yourself, cultivating your own interests and strengthening your personal relationship with God.
Likewise, you should be okay with your spouse having their space to cultivate their personal interests. Trust us, this is one way for you to keep the peace in your home.
- Remember that your spouse isn’t perfect … and neither are you.
This third thought should always be at the forefront of your mind, because almost every day after you’re married, you’re going to need it.
When you accepted Jesus as your Savior, the process of sanctification began. As believers, we will continue going through this process until it is completed, when we are perfected and get to heaven. Thus, when your spouse says something you don’t like or when a particular sin issue is becoming too hard for you to cope with, remember that your spouse isn’t perfect …
One thing that can ensure that this stays at the forefront of your mind is to think of all the idiosyncrasies that your spouse puts up with because you aren’t perfect.
If we try to look at our spouse the way that Christ looks at us, we would be more forgiving and understanding. Let us resolve to look at our spouse through the eyes of Christ.
- Nothing good comes easy.
This one should motivate you to keep working on your marriage. We marvel at the couples who have been married longer than we have been alive and we often ask their secret to marital bliss. It might be that they know that nothing good comes easy.
This is a common saying but don’t allow the number of times you’ve heard it to diminish its meaning …
When you were in college, you probably had many moments when you didn’t think you would make it through the sleepless nights and terrible diet. Yet on your graduation day, you were grateful that you persevered and realized that it was all worth it.
It is the same with marriage. You are about to enter the first institution ordained by God and it will do you well to remember that this is something that God has designed. If you are getting engaged and God has called you to the ministry of marriage, it’s not guaranteed to be a bed of roses.
Satan is already attacking this sacred union by making a mockery of it with messy divorces and same-sex unions. Please see this as a call to preserve the sanctity of marriage. Persevere in your God-ordained union and don’t give up because nothing good comes easy.
These are simply some thoughts that you need to be aware of as you enter this engagement period and move towards marriage.
Remember that your spouse doesn’t complete you. God does.
Remember that you are an individual, and take time to take care of yourself spiritually and physically so as to keep your peace of mind.
Keep in mind that your spouse isn’t perfect and never forget that nothing good comes easy (but it’s worth it).
Keep God at the helm so that every day you can put your best foot forward in preparation for the good, and the bad, to come.
Keneesha Liddie is a lover of God with a keen appreciation for books. As an educator, her main goal in life is to point others to Christ. Using her love of all thing literary she harnesses her creative mind for her Savior. She is married to Jerome and mother to Atarah.