Before they left, the father was consoling his sons as they cried, even though he himself was brushing away tears. After getting them in the car, he hugged his wife, told her he loved her, and took two steps back and said: “I’ll let you go.”
He said he’d never forget the image of her car driving away …
When he couldn’t see them anymore, he walked back into his garage. He pressed the button for the door to close, and as soon as it hit the floor, he fell to the ground and screamed.
Mike said he completely lost it when he realized that he had lost his family. Fast forward to the separation, which led to divorce, and no matter who was at fault, the tragedy of a broken family was a reality.
That is an abridged version of a larger story, but many live similar stories.
How does a person go from that level of loss to somehow loving again? How do you muster the strength to put a level of trust in another human being after a traumatic breakup, especially with kids.
My friend, it is possible! It is possible to get back to wholeness after feeling so broken. It is possible to love again without the memory of the past hurt. You ask how? The answer is through being healed by God.
This is simple yet complex in that no path to healing is the same and has no timetable. If you desire not just to date again but be re-given in marriage here are a few ways to get started.
First and foremost, the path to healing is just to accept it from God.
The Bible says in Isaiah 54:5: “But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes, we are healed.”
On the cross, Jesus paid the price for all of our healing. We have access to it always, but let’s be real, the process of “getting healed and feeling healed” is not all at once. When you’re hurting it’s hard to sense the wholeness you need, but you must know it’s there.
Secondly, healing is not a one-time event.
There are levels of hurt that should be identified to heal it. In divorce, you experience all types of grief, loss, loneliness, anger, sadness and the list goes on and on. Also, to that, there are trigger events that remind you of past events, and it brings up the hurt again.
One evening while a friend of mine was working as an Uber driver, he picked up a couple. It was his birthday, and his wife took him out to celebrate. He was drunk and just talking about anything that came to mind. His wife just kept responding with “yes baby,” “ok baby” and on and on. Before he got out, he said “I have the best wife in the world.” They had no idea tears were running down the driver’s face, and after they left, he drove down the street pulled over and cried. The trigger for him was the way she kept calling him baby. She was very sincere and loved him. His heart was still aching, and that’s how you know healing is needed still.
Thirdly, we need to know that we have access to be comforted by the Father.
Jesus told the disciples “Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you.” John 16:7 KJV.
As believers, we can ask the Holy Spirit to meet us in our moment of need. You can make it plain as Mike did. Just say, “Father, I’m hurting.” There’s nothing that is hidden from our God that He won’t touch.
Consider a girl who’s at play outside and falls and scrapes her knee. She cries, and her daddy comes to her rescue. Holding onto her knee with tears in her eyes, he asks her “what happened?” and she responds tearfully, “I fell and hurt my knee! Her daddy says ‘let me see it,’ and like most children, they’re afraid to move their hand. We all know the dad wants to see it so he can heal it. This is how we are with our heavenly Father … we are hurting, and we won’t show Him where. The Bible says in Psalms 32:3, “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.”
Healing is imperative before dating because the Father wants to heal you. He wants you to tell Him what he already knows. He sees your suffering and desires for you to come to Him. He was there when they left. He was there when you were devastated, and couldn’t eat. He was there when you cried all night. He was even there after the divorce was finalized.
Many like yourself have gone to our Father often. There’s no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. The question He’s asking of you today is to “Show me your hurt, and I’ll give you my healing hand.” “Give me the raw version with full-blown tears in your eyes.” “Tell me how you feel and scream it out if you have to.” “I want it all today!” “I know the healing you need, so let me heal it.”
I promise you, my friend, Jesus is mighty to save and ready to heal. He did it for many, and He will do it for you. It will take some time but trust the process and set dating aside. For now, be healed in Jesus’ name!
Marvin Richardson Jr.
Marvin Richardson Jr. is a lover of Christ and a dedicated father of two boys, Kani and Kuzari. He manages construction projects by day and lives for the Lord for life. As a divorced but restored man, he endeavors to bring hope and healing through his story and and thought-provoking topics. -He was recently married to Kiesha Richardson and is now the bonus dad to Eryana and EJ. Together, Kiesha and Marvin have founded "The Road to Becoming One," a multifaceted effort that endeavors to help marriages and families become as one the way God intended.