Dating/CourtingEngagedHomeMarried with Expectations

Many of us have expectations of what desire to see in a mate. Often our expectations are based on past experiences whether good or bad. Case in point, when I got engaged to my now husband, I had a long list of expectations for him. It was during premarital counseling that our pastor helped me too see that I hadn’t healed from past experiences. After going through counseling, I realized that my expectations of my...
Avatar Calandra Williams3 years ago5 min

Many of us have expectations of what desire to see in a mate. Often our expectations are based on past experiences whether good or bad. Case in point, when I got engaged to my now husband, I had a long list of expectations for him. It was during premarital counseling that our pastor helped me too see that I hadn’t healed from past experiences.

After going through counseling, I realized that my expectations of my husband were ridiculous. I had to go back and remember the promise that God had spoken over my life. God told me before we started dating that he was my husband.

During our last premarital session, my pastor asked me what my expectations of my future husband were. I responded, “To love me like Christ loves the church.” Ephesians 5:25 At that moment all my walls came tumbling down, knowing that God wouldn’t bless me with a man that would intentionally harm me.  I also knew, that God wouldn’t give me a man that resembled anything like the men I had chosen before.

If I had kept my long list of expectations that I had before we got married, our marriage would be struggling to thrive. There are days that I still have to check myself so that I’m not expecting my husband to be like anyone else but the man that God has called him to be.

If you have a long list of expectations of your fiancé or husband, here are some questions to ask yourself:

  1. How did God manifest your courtship?
  2. How has God worked in your relationship prior to marriage?
  3. What obstacles or challenges have you overcome together?
  4. Why did you make the conscious decision to marry your spouse?

It’s okay to have standards for your mate but it’s not okay to have expectations of your mate. Your expectations can hinder your marriage from being purpose filled. If my husband had not met my standards, I wouldn’t have even dated him. He met my standards and actually exceeded them.

Expectations can become a burden in your marriage because you are expecting your spouse to act or respond in a certain way. It’s not fair to the person to set expectations on them. If they don’t meet your expectations you began view them in a negative light.

Your spouse isn’t a mind reader, so don’t expect them to know what you are thinking or even desire from them. Always remember that you are two imperfect people and you are not the same. There are going to be some imperfections displayed in the both of you. Don’t let that overpower that greatness that God has brought together. At the end of the day know that we serve a perfect God.

Throw the ungodly  expectations out the door and allow your marriage to thrive beyond what you could ever imagine.

I want to know your thoughts on this subject….Leave a comment below.

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Calandra Williams

Calandra Williams lives in North Texas with her husband Culus Williams II and their three children. An inspirational speaker, Christian blogger, mentor, and author. She is young and radical, and passionate about kingdom building. Calandra is the Co-Founder of Truth Written Ministries. Through her testimonies she hopes to inspires someone to discover their purpose, passion, and power. When Calandra is not out changing lives, she enjoys singing, dancing, reading, and spending quality time with her family.

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