One of the most infamous questions you will ever get as a married person is– “How did you know they were the one?” Albeit, there are different answers pending on whom you ask, but here are a few ways to calm your wedding jitters.
If you are waiting for your flawless Prince Charming to show up, you will be waiting forever. When it comes to a potential spouse, there will never be a perfect person. If you can agree on the things that matter most to you: faith, morals, values, goals, etc. – you can learn to love anybody. The person you marry today will be a very different person 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years from now. It’s a matter of commitment. Love is more than just a feeling, it’s a daily choice.
So you said yes, you’ve started wedding planning and have that beautiful ring on your finger. All of a sudden, you begin to question:
Am I ready for this?
Let me start by saying – before you can be ready for marriage, you have to be comfortable by yourself. No relationship is going to fill the voids you find in your individual life – they may provide a temporary fix, but in the end you will still feel empty. You can’t allow your life’s happiness to be placed in the hands or the control of another human being. Find your identity, purpose, your SELF, and the right relationship will come in time.
No one can really prepare you for marriage because everyone’s marriage looks different. However, there are great resources like premarital counseling that can help the two of you figure out each other’s perspectives, habits, and personalities. In addition to premarital counseling, my husband and I went through the book “101 Questions To Ask Before You Get Engaged” which really gave us insight into a lot of different areas we would not have thought to consider. It forced us to think about different scenarios or situations before they became an issue. There are plenty of additional premarital books out there if you choose to go through one with your fiancé.
Is this really what I want?
Only you can decide this. This will be your future – not your parent’s, pastor’s, friend’s, etc. It’s OKAY to not want to be married yet, and it’s okay if you do! Everyone’s timeline is different. Be honest with yourself and trust your gut. If you don’t feel at peace about it, seek counsel from someone you know that can bring you wisdom and perspective to help decipher between nerves and legitimate concerns.
Am I too young?
I am a firm believer that age does not qualify you as “ready” for marriage. My husband and I got married at 22 and are in some ways more mature than other friends that married much later in life. Your age does not determine whether your marriage will succeed or fail, rather the mindset and commitment you bring to the relationship. It is possible to be too immature to be married, but in many ways marriage forces you to grow up and take on more adult responsibilities as you learn to navigate life with another person, flaws and all.
What if I change my mind?
Regardless of the potential embarrassment you may feel, it is OKAY to call off a wedding. Personally, I would rather call off my wedding and feel embarrassed for a season instead of finding myself in a horrible marriage for the rest of my life. My dad always told me – even the day of our wedding before walking down the aisle – if you don’t want to do this, we can turn back now. Hopefully you have resolved before you get to the church doors, but don’t ever allow yourself to be trapped in a relationship you know is not right.
Every person has their flaws, weaknesses, baggage, but choosing to love them through it takes real commitment. Marriage is selfless. It’s about learning to love and put someone else’s needs before your own. It’s compromising on the restaurant you wanted to go to in order to make the other happy for dinner. It’s learning how to communicate and how to resolve conflicts quicker. It’s sending a text message letting them know how much you appreciate them and you’re sorry for being dramatic by arguing about something so small this morning.
Marriage is work. But if both parties are willing to put the time and effort in to cultivate the marriage you both desire, I promise it will be one of the most beautiful and fulfilling journeys you ever step foot on.
Amanda Beckham is a Financial Analyst based in the suburbs of Chicago. She is the proud wife of Steven Beckham and Co-Founder of the website MoneyMakingMarriage. A proud dog mom, fitness enthusiast, and budget lover, she enjoys eating ice cream before dinner and helping friends accomplish goals. She strives to help other young couples set their marriage up for success and to grow/prosper a healthy relationship.