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Performance. The word alone elicits feelings of pressure. Tears flow, frustrations surface, comparison gnaws, and self-pity rises when we feel like our performance has fallen short of an expectation. We are raised with a performance-based mindset that conveys the message that “you get out what you put in.” Therein, we train ourselves to believe that the burden of success falls on our efforts. “If I study diligently, then I’ll do well on the test.” “If I...

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I tried to wind down from a long day. But even answering emails and running errands paled in comparison to the teasing I endured from my coworkers that day. “You need to try it out to make sure it works!” “You should date more.” “Try it before you buy it.” “I hope you’re not going to be disappointed.” They were speaking about sex. A few of them knew of my choice to be abstinent, but...

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