If we were to view marriage as a house or something to be built, then it stands to reason that, at times, repairs will have to be made…which require the use of tools.
In this article, I want to present to you one tool in the marriage building toolbox that I believe is extremely important but seldom is used.
In 2015, I did a book launch for my first book “Got Fruit.” That launch was a huge success! Over 200 people were in attendance, all the books and other merchandise sold out, and the overall feedback was great! During the launch, I took some time to honor my wife, who was pregnant with our son at the time, for the exceptional support and strategist she had been throughout the entire process from publishing the book to its promotion, to planning the launch.
Now that may seem like an awesome “aww” moment, right?
Yeah…well, what you don’t know is that we had some “heated fellowship” right before this took place! You would have never known (and the audience sure didn’t!).
I mean we were arguing with each other from the time we left the house until we pulled into the event. We were mad at each other and didn’t speak for the entire evening, even up to the very moment that I had previously planned to honor her.
Of course, we made up by the time we got back at the house, but if you ask me today, I don’t even remember what we were mad about and — catch this — I still presented my token of honor and appreciation to her despite my personal feelings.
One of the things we learned the hard way is that it is nobody’s business that we were mad at each other. One of the “little foxes that spoil the vine” (Song of Solomon 2:15) of marriage is that of popular opinion, and when you allow popular belief to creep in, it is extremely easy for the mental dishonor of your spouse to creep in after that.
Once that happens, it won’t be long until physical dishonor manifested as infidelity, verbal abuse (or even physical abuse — when the devil gets a foothold). The mindset of “whatever happens between us stays between us” is a form of honor that serves as protection for our marriage as well as for each other from outside assumptions and insinuations that things are worse than what they really are.
Now I understand that some may say that’s being “fake” but hear me out…
That’s being mature. And here’s why: What do you stand to gain by exposing, whether it is verbally or nonverbally, that you and your spouse have an issue?
In the name of “keeping it real,” many married couples in immaturity subject themselves to dishonor and then wonder why the harmony is gone and the marriage is shaky.
Granted, some issues will take a little longer to resolve than others and you probably won’t get an immediate apology; however, it still shouldn’t prevent you from behaving honorably towards your spouse. Disagreements are inevitable, but they are never an excuse for dishonor!
Whatever the fall out that we had was about was no excuse for me not to honor my wife. I could have quickly scrapped that part because of our issue and probably would have been justified in doing so because after all this was my moment and she almost ruined it, but I didn’t and here is why:
1 Peter 3:7 NKJV: “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.” This is one of my go-to verses on marriage in Scripture.
I don’t know about you, but I need my prayers answered! That isn’t selfish; that’s called dependence because the future is essential to me. There is too much at stake for me to hold onto my pride and stubbornness (I’ll get there in another article soon) and miss the opportunity to get a prayer answered on behalf of myself, my family, or my future. Here is more Bible:
1 Peter 5:5 NKJV “…and be clothed with humility, for God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”
Husbands love and wives submit, but the foundation of it all is honor. You can’t love what you don’t honor, and you can’t submit to what you don’t accept. Honor is not a feeling; it is an action and an action that is first learned within the confines of the home.
That is the whole point of the marriage relationship. It is designed to prefer the other over yourself to prevent pride and arrogance from taking over the relationship because when it does, that is when the relationship begins to die.
Pride leads to dishonor and dishonor kills. Don’t let your marriage be the next victim!
Darren Wilson is on a mission to help people uncover their potential and discover their purpose so that they may live effectively in their generation. Darren is the author of several books, a dynamic speaker and communicator, as well as an entrepreneur with two growing companies. Darren and his wife Charmaine live in Saint Martin and they are the proud parents of Darren Wilson Jr.