One of the challenges that a single woman of God faces is her wait to be pursued. The Bible is clear in that it says, “He that finds a wife, finds a good thing and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).
We know what you’re thinking … if another person says that “he that findeth” scripture one more time I’m gonna find a good list of reasons to quit this whole “waiting” thing. Considering the perceived extinction of eligible men in church, women are sometimes discouraged, until it finally happens (and there’s a series of emotions that follow, and can take on a life of their own). Unspoken thoughts can become verbal expectations, and the hope of making it to the altar can be intense (especially if you’re running on a stop watch mentality). This article endeavors to share how to be pursued in a way that’s fueled with the readiness to engage when it’s of God — but the willingness to walk away when it’s not.
Let us start by saying that there is no secret formula to being pursued. Usually, a woman has already made up her mind before a man has started talking if she’s interested in him (or, at least knows how to respond within the first 30 seconds). By way of response and body language, she’ll give him the green light to proceed. Once numbers have been exchanged, the “interview” process begins. The feminine intuition scanner is analyzing the man’s every move, action, and deed. (Don’t forget that the C.B.I. — the Counterfeit Bureau of Investigations — also known as her girlfriends, have scanned through his social media, friends list, and maybe a sting operation or two. Just kidding, of course!
But, on a serious note, the below tips are for the ladies in the position of being pursued. Keep these in mind:
- Rush to worship, and not the wedding! It’s important that your relationship with God is in tact and stays that way during your dating season. When the feelings grow and the attachments build, remember that Christ is still Lord of all.
- Let him lead! The man approaches, pursues, and plans for your time. Especially in the beginning, let the man “come to find you.” There will be plenty of time to engage him and reverse pursue, but he needs to prove that he’s serious about you. In addition, if he has options this will help him narrow down to one before presenting exclusivity. Ladies: Know your worth.
- Understand that men move in silence, and privacy is for the married! What we mean by this is the first level of pursuit should only be known to whom you are accountable. Church relationships that don’t end in marriage are hard to get through, especially if you attend the same church. Reveal it publicly (outside your accountability circle) when you’re sure there is an assurance of intention. If you marry him, the bed is undefiled and the visual details are for an audience of one. Be careful what you post — the enemy is a destroyer.
- Be ready to engage, but willing to walk away! Set for yourself an internal timeline where you look for markers of progression. No man will move exactly how you feel he should, but if a few months go by and he hasn’t stated his intention for you and the potential relationship, ask the direct question: “Where do you see this going?” Use discernment, but allow for approximately 90 days and if no direction or plan is provided, be extremely prayerful about continuing.
- Enjoy your life and include him in it! It’s necessary to keep pursuing your goals and desires. You have a purpose given by God, so don’t let that fall by the wayside. The man needs to see who you are and where you’re headed to see if there’s suitability in your divine design. Furthermore, if he’s engaged in his purpose, you can get a idea of what life will be like with him (and know if your purpose is headed in the same direction).
- Be a mystery and have an opinion! Part of making the man pursue you is not spilling all the beans and “previewing the package” prematurely. He doesn’t need to know the full details of your life story, especially the “before Christ days,” until you’ve covered some ground and trust has been earned. In addition, don’t be a “get with” for everything. Yes, you want the man to lead, but be definitive in your likes and dislikes. There’s nothing worse than a person who goes along to stay along!
- Take care of your health and wellness! We can’t stress the importance of being separate, unique, and whole. Work out, pray, worship, and seek counseling if needed. Whatever the outcome of the pursuit, you want to develop a lifestyle of self-care that you can benefit from as well as your future husband. If it doesn’t work out, then your daily self care duties will stay in tact.
Of course, these are just a few points of power to use as a guide in your season of being pursued. Your heavenly Father wants the best for you and as his Word says that He desire to give you life abundantly. We are praying for the best over you, and that you are able to discern the “worthy” from the “time wasters.” Be blessed, be loved by God, and may you be pursued with honor, grace, and respect.
Marvin Richardson Jr.
Marvin Richardson Jr. is a lover of Christ and a dedicated father of two boys, Kani and Kuzari. He manages construction projects by day and lives for the Lord for life. As a divorced but restored man, he endeavors to bring hope and healing through his story and and thought-provoking topics. -He was recently married to Kiesha Richardson and is now the bonus dad to Eryana and EJ. Together, Kiesha and Marvin have founded "The Road to Becoming One," a multifaceted effort that endeavors to help marriages and families become as one the way God intended.